Topics to talk about before tying the knot

“If someone had told me before” is the most common phrase I hear when one of my friends or followers tells me about an opinion conflict  with their partner. And that is because, whether we like it or not, there are extremely important issues that should be addressed before formalizing a relationship. Here we talk about some of those issues:

Money and work

Today, both -men and women- are an important part of a household's income, so both  partners must talk about this issue and take into an account  the scenarios according to income and time; for example,  both need to sit down and put the cards on the table, decide who will stay home when you  two decide to have children or if you both plan to continue working while you pay childcare, as well as how you will divide expenses and belongings. One of the biggest challenges when starting life as a couple is financial confidence and  also deciding whether to have a bank account together or separately. Here I share with you an episode of Rollos de Mujeres Podcast that I recorded with my husband on this topic, hope it's of some help to you.

The family on your spouse´s side

Maybe these are issues that you minimize and think that your case is different, but the truth is that once you are in full coexistence, you realize that each matter goes beyond importance. When it comes to the  in-laws, you  have to consider very carefully the type of relationship they will have with both you and your partner, to what extent they will be allowed to participate or set limits, because that phrase: "if you marry the person you marry their  family", happens to be very accurate.  And some little things like talking in advance where you are going to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving can lead to discussion,  even who will be with you in the hospital room when your children are born , those are the aspects that need to be agreed upon.

Coexistence

The coexistence that occurs once  you start living together changes, and both of you must adapt to one another´s  rhythm. It is a fact that you will see your partner daily, but this does not mean that you guys have to take things for granted and not be  enthusiastic about having fun as when you started dating. Therefore, it is also important that you  respect each other, give each other your “ me time” so that things go well. And the best advice I can give you is “you are not in a relationship to change the other person, even if you think your way is the right and only way, both have the right to be who you are.

Children

This is a hard one if it's not discussed during dating time, when things  are sweet and smooth, since couples came together precisely for that, to procreate. Or at least that's what women were taught  to think for a long time. However, times have changed and now the priority of each couple is different , so you guys  must talk about  children. Do you both want to have babies, how many? How are they going to be raised? What about religion?

Chores 

“The elephant in the room”: housework, however, it goes hand in hand with working together as partners, as this will establish a balance between each person's responsibilities. Put aside sexist or feminist ideas and establish what best suits your relationship. Remember that both live under  the same roof and therefore both are responsible for a clean, fresh , tidy and neat place.

Sex

Have you shared with your partner what you like in bed?  What are your favorite positions? If you like toys, edibles, or whatever comes to your mind? Maybe this is the time to do it. When you live as a couple, intimacy becomes more than effusive encounters full of passion. Unlike rumors that declare marital sexuality is monotonous, it can become very exciting and full of wonderful moments to share together  with love and trust. But there will also be stages of shortages due to different circumstances, the birth of a child, an illness, etc. And talking to your partner about how you feel and what you need and also knowing how to listen to the other party is essential to strengthen the bonds. 

Habits

As a single person, everyone has their own habits ( and pet peeves…) and perhaps these are not similar to your partner´s , maybe when you lived alone or with your parents you left the toothpaste  open or the toilet lid up or you watched the TV at full volume... However When you are married you have to talk about this topic to avoid conflicts. There is nothing better than talking about what you expect as a couple, your pros and cons  and above all,  you both have to be very aware of one key element in every relationship : patience. You have your ways, your partner does too.

Religion

I knew from the get go that this was a cornerstone in my life , since my values and the way I wanted to start my family are based on my beliefs. In my first marriage we did not share this point of view  and it definitely affected us a lot. My ex-husband was a Jehovah's Witness, and I greatly admire and respect that  religion, don´t get me wrong  I even learned a lot from them, but  I was raised Catholic and at the age of 28 I was baptized as a non-denominational Christian, so long story short,when our son was going to be born, my ex-husband told me that in  his religion  organ transplants or blood transfusions were not accepted  even though the life of a loved one depended on it. This created many conflicts since in my case if my son needed to get a blood transfusion , I would do whatever it took to save his life, without hesitation.

Now it's your turn. What do you think is crucial to talk about before getting married? I´ll be more than happy to read your answers and comments.