Getting over toxic family members
Por: Paola García
It is well know specially for latino families, that the core of our existence is in fact, the family, and so it’s meaning, everything turns around it, beliefs, what's allowed, what's not, what should be done, what shouldn't be done, expectations, rules, goals, desires, and so on.
Therefore , our entire existence depends on our relatives' approval. It's a heavy weight to carry on our shoulders, because from the moment our mindset drifts away from what has been established, then all kinds of issues start to arrive, problems start to blossom, feuds, and misunderstandings.
Kate Force / elephantjournal.com
“Every family has a story—deeply-rooted triggers and woundedness—being passed down (whether we like it or not)”.
Has that happened to you? if so, then you totally understand me, at our rock bottom when we start to analyze everything we come to a point maybe and only maybe what we need to do is to get away from those family members that far from helping us, far from supporting us, they are in our lives with the mere intention to cause harm, to cause problems, to cause conflict.
What if we turn our backs on those who are not willing to be next to us with a better purpose? what if we start prioritizing ourselves above everything, including our own family? this is not being selfish, this actually means that we have expanded our self conscience, to seek for what is best for us, to find new paths that will lead us to fulfill our goals, that means that we need to get away from all the drama that has been passed down for generations, and you, are not obligated to stay in the same tune.
Saying goodbye to those toxic family members is the first step to a better life, that will bring you joy and not sorrow , what hurts needs to be let go, you deserve better you deserve loving people around you, people that are willing to give you advice over criticism, people willing to hug you instead of point out fingers, people willing to listen to you, truly take care of you, and sometimes, those people are to be found in friends, neighbors, coworkers or even your partner, but not family members.
How to identify a toxic relative?
Kate Force says we need to pay attention if she or he has behaviors such as:
1. They do not allow you to express your individuality
2. There is always some drama going on
3. You are asked to lie about things that happen at home
4. They exert control over you
5. They don’t recognize your space and boundaries
6. They constantly belittle you
Let me tell you one last thing: to do so, does not mean to betray anyone, it means you stand for yourself, you stand for what your own values are, you stand for what you believe in, you stand for what you want, for what you are, for what you wish to change in your family history, and you are brave , you are not meant to follow any of the parameters already set, you are free to choose, to change, to transform , to reset.
I dare you to take the first step, and leave me a comment because I would love to hear your story.